Five things you won’t believe aren’t in the bible

“Westerners think they know the Bible pretty well. But not everybody realizes that many of the most iconic features of Christianity were never mentioned by the holy book or the church, but were actually pulled from the ass of some poet or artist years after God turned in his final draft of the Bible.”

For example, how angels actually look like, according to the Bible:

Read the full list over at Cracked.com.

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3 Responses to Five things you won’t believe aren’t in the bible

  1. bbnews says:

    Hello, RP! I live in Sweden (in northern Europe) and like your blog very much! Actually I adore it. Sometimes I consider falling down on my knees worshipping you for spreading your wisdom and wit all around the world. Even to me in Sweden.

    Now back to basics: I’d like to add a sixth thing you won’t believe isn’t in the Bible: WE ARE NOT GOING TO HEAVEN AFTER WE’VE DIED.

    The truth is we’re going nowhere.

    The fact is I’ve heard this from the horse’s mouth so to speak. From Jesus himself.

    Notice what he says in John 3:13: “No one has ascended to heaven but He who came down from heaven, that is, the Son of Man who is in heaven.”

    So Jesus never promised Christians heaven after they died. Nevertheless Christians all over the world do believe they’ll come to heaven after they’ve passed away, popped off, kicked the bucket or whatever you call the act of dying in the United States of America.

    Read more about this astonishing fact here: http://www.ucg.org/beyond-today-program/doctrinal-beliefs/will-i-go-heaven .

    According to UCG, citing a Gallup poll, 81 percent of Americans and 55 percent of Britons say they believe in going to heaven [directly after death].

    In fact, 43 percent believe that even their pets— like cats, dogs, rats or snakes—are headed into the same hereafter right with them (source: 2010 Book by Lisa Miller, Newsweek’s religion correspondent, cited in the above mentioned UCG-article).

    How can all that misunderstanding and misinterpretation be?

    Jesus himself simply compares death to sleep. Remember Lazarus? Ever heard of that poor man?

    In John 11:11 Jesus says: “‘Our friend Lazarus sleeps, but I go that I may wake him up.”

    Then his disciples said to Jesus: “Lord, if he sleeps he will get well.”

    And Jesus had to tell his disciples what he meant by saying Lazarus was sleeping. Jesus spoke of this man’s death, telling them plainly: “[Sorry guys,] Lazarus is dead.”

    Dead like the Norwegian blue parrot in this YouTube video clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vuW6tQ0218 .

    Also the wise King Solomon has confirmed that death is like a deep unconscious sleep. In Ecclesiastes 9:10 he says: “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.”

    And back in verse 5 of Ecclesiastes 9 the same wise King Solomon says, “For the living know that they will die; but the dead know nothing.”

    Therefore I ask: Why do so many Christians today know (almost) nothing of what Jesus – and the rest of the Bible – really have told us about death? Are they blind and death? Can’t they read? Or do they not read their Bible? Do they indulge in wishful thinking?

    Do you have any idea about that, RP?

    • RP says:

      Great link, I might post about it.

      Thanks for the kind words. From what I’ve heard, Scandinavians are mostly atheist. But don’t lower your guard, you’re not vaccinated against religion. Make no mistake, it is surely brewing underneath the surface even there, waiting for a chance to pop up and trample on your rights. As long as the general public are willing to lend their acceptance to horrific acts just because the perpetrator refers to some quote in scripture or says he heard a voice in his head, it WILL happen again. You need not look farther than the nearest small sect to see how the concept of revelation will justify any immoral idea:

      “Hello. This is The Almighty Creator of the Universe speaking. I am the divine ruler of earth, heaven and hell, of all life and afterlife. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I agree 100% with your random thoughtless opinions about condoms, abortion, homosexuals and heathens. You hereby have my divine permission to treat them like shit. Now go on your mission.”

      When religion is weak, it asks “Why can’t we just agree to disagree?” When religion is strong, it slaughters all opposition.

      PS. I’m not from the U.S.

    • ♪ Kompani ♪ says:

      Excellent piece. The problem is that most xtians have never read the Bible. I’m an Atheist and have read both the complete Bible (inc. those left out) and the Qur’an plus many other ‘holy’ texts. I always recommend Lord of the Rings or Shakespeare, a much better read.

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